We Were Never Friends. We Were Lovers.

My chest tightened and my phone felt heavy in my hands. I tilted my head up, blinking away the tears before my friend returned from the bathroom.

“Is everything ok?” She said as she sat back down at the table. I hadn’t been able to hide my pain as well as I had hoped. 

“I think I have something in my eye” I lied, as I lifted up the menu. I wasn’t hungry anymore and I didn’t know how I could get through this lunch. I couldn’t tell my friend. How could I? She didn’t even know that Liam and I were non-Monogamous, let alone that I had a lover for years.

A lover just broke up with me via text in the short space between her bathroom visit. I couldn’t and wouldn’t tell her, not today at least.

In that moment of separation, I couldn’t bare to tell my friend about my non-Monogamy.

It didn’t feel like the right time. In the past when I had delightfully told friends about being non-Monogamous, I had often been met with confusion and questions asking, ‘Wow, that sounds like it must be really complicated and difficult?’ My pain and pride kept me from sharing with her.

Her inevitable response and scepticism might have even felt valid. Maybe non-Monogamy isn’t all its cracked up to be?

“I’ll have the soup, please” I smiled to the waiter.

I would have to wait until after lunch to share my pain with Liam.

Surely he would understand and comfort me?