Space for More

Inviting The Third

Photo taken by my husband Liam (with the help of some Photoshop….)

I often look at mothers as they walk by and wonder if they have ever been pleasured by two lovers at the same time? Would they want to if there was a safe opportunity to do so?

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It is OK to want to have a FFM (female + female + male threesomes).

When Liam and I opened up our relationship it was with another woman.

At the time we were engaged and planning our wedding, and the thought of having sex with another man felt too heavy a proposition. Being with another woman felt softer. More subtle. I am bisexual after all, and so it just made sense. Yet, embracing this possibility meant that I had to acknowledge and examine why I felt more comfortable with a female, rather than male lover joining us. Did I feel being with a man made me a "slut"? Was I being "slut-phobic"?

We weren’t trying to be ‘unicorn hunters’, in fact, we had never even heard the term. Being with another woman simply felt less intense to me than being with another man. Being with another man meant more layers of societal conditioning to free myself from, and as open minded as I was, I still had some subconscious slut-shaming going on whenever it crossed my mind.

I didn’t realise at the time how many people in the polyamorous community frowned upon FFM threesomes. The gatekeepers really do like to chastise that one. Their arguments mostly centre around couple privilege and imbalances of power between the couple and the "third" joining them. There is good reason for these arguments, but it cannot be a blanket statement or observation. It should not mean that all couples who hope for a woman to join them in some adventure and exploration are unethical.

Liam and I feel super lucky and grateful to have had incredible times with incredible people. This has made space for us to discover what it is that we enjoy, and find people with whom we are compatible with.

When I think of group sex, the most enjoyable scenarios for me are often threesomes. When it is with another woman I am able to fully lean into my compersion without any distraction. I can have some distance to witness my husband in pleasure with another. Liam and I team up to be co-creators in the cultivation of pleasure for whoever it may be that is joining us. It is a sensual experience to have a giving lover, and there can be a delicious intensity to having two giving lovers. Liam and I love to give, to pleasure, and to be in deep respect of whoever it is who we share intimate space with.

We treat people and lovers how we want to be treated.

Last year I was the invited guest of a couple who are dear friends of ours. This was a first for me. Until that night, my dynamic in a threesome has always been that I am one half of the couple. Having the experience of being the guest for an established couple was such a treat for me. At no moment did I feel disrespected, used, or like an ‘object’ for their pleasure. This was because I wholeheartedly wanted to be with them too, in that moment and in that capacity. They did not lure me in with false promises of joining their marriage and being an equal third in their dynamic.

But is there love between us? Of course. A love through the lens of friendship and respect, which can also take on a sexual nature when the time calls.

Photo of me taken by my husband, Liam

Stepping into a space that people create purely for your pleasure - is magic. To be in these moments with others makes me realise how lucky I am.

I often look at mothers as they walk by and wonder if they have ever been pleasured with the intensity of two lovers at the same time? Would they want to if there was a safe opportunity to do so?

What would sexual expression look like for consenting adults if there wasn’t a ceiling of judgement and shame hanging over everyone? What would a world full of sexually satiated and liberated women be like?

Of course the liberation runs in parallel with how safe and respected women are and feel. To let go, one must first feel safe.

As said by my cheeky husband on many occassions, “Mothers deserve all of the pleasure, rest and play. They should feel safe to experience this if that is what they want.”

So, if you are considering a threesome, and you find yourself with the opportunity to connect with someone who is enthusiastic, safe and shares a reciprocated attraction ... what are you waiting for?"

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