Shame On You!

A Troll's Buffet

A few days ago, a big article came out about us and Evolving Love Project in a major Australian publication – Mamamia, written by Stacey Hicks. In a co-ordinated release they also published a podcast episode on one of the biggest podcasts in Australia – “No Filter”. Both the podcast and the Mamamia platform have a huge following.

So understandably, Monday was a big day.

My phone was buzzing from people who I had not heard from in a long time, as well as floods of private messages of gratitude from non-monogamous people from across the country. It warms my heart to witness the power of sharing our stories.

Writing about non-Monogamy is feather-ruffling stuff, and I knew that the audience who reads Mamamia might be confronted by the way in which Liam and I approach our marriage. Christopher Ryan recently shared on our podcast that when it comes to reactions on non-Monogamy, people often have the combination of “High Passion and Low Knowledge.”

As you can see above, the comments section began heating up as I witnessed much confusion and judgement on full display. People can fear what they don’t understand and it was clear that the majority of the audience struggle to wrap their heads around this.

And that is ok.

Non-Monogamy is triggering stuff, it can fling people back into memories of being betrayed by a loved one, or imagining their spouse in the arms of another with no understanding of compersion.

There were many comments that said, “Be single- this is NOT commitment!”, which I find fascinating! What are we committed to here? Monogamy? Or to our partner? There is so much that bonds Liam and I to one another that reaches far beyond sexual fidelity. We are partners in life and love who show commitment and safety for one another in our own way. A scenario that could rip a relationship or family apart is something that we explore with curiosity, transparency, and openness. The conditions of monogamy are simply too fragile for the love that exists between us.

Being told that we should ‘be single’ has me spitting out my coffee in laughter! We have no desire to be single, we are each other’s ride or die in life and love and this has been our reality since our very first date back in 2012. I have never, not even once, questioned my commitment to Liam, our marriage, and our family unit. I also understand that reading this can break people’s brains. I also believe in having an openness to shattering previous belief systems to allow new understandings to exist, even if it is completely out of someone’s interest to make the same life choices.

My goal with Evolving Love Project has never been to preach about how non-Monogamy is superior. It has always been to encourage people to let go of their judgements and misconceptions. To know that there is more to people than the small talk at school pick-up and drop off. People are so beautifully complicated, and I will never shake just how magnificent it is that we can all love in our own way.

I believe that part of the reason why the audience of Mamamia, which includes many suburban mums, can be so confronted by me is because they might also see parts of themselves in me.

I am in a heterosexual marriage, I am a mum, I am a friendly person. But there is also more to me than those things. The reality that I have given myself permission, as a mum, to nourish other parts of who I am and with support from my husband, can be infuriating to those who are living in restriction, regardless of whether they might want non-Monogamy, or not. I get this, and that is why I am as compassionate as possible to the negativity that gets spat at me online. People are hurting.

I certainly do not know what the motivation is behind every nasty comment that gets thrown my way, but I do intuitively know that behind each cruel word is a person in pain. Happy people do not shame others, they look on with curiosity, even if it isn’t how they choose to live their life. A happy person says, “that is different, good for them!”

May we all live with love and curiosity for one another, even when someone lives their life differently to our own.

Above is the first tile from an Instagram slide that I made yesterday. I believe that it is naïve to expect everyone to experience the art and magic of love in the same way.

There is such beauty in difference.

-

If you are interested in reading the Mamamia article by Stacey Hicks, you can find it here:

https://www.mamamia.com.au/non-monogamy/