Refusing To Love In Fear

She Isn't My Competition

Over the years I have sat back and listened to monogamous friends share their discomfort and frustration at their partner liking ‘some girl’s Instagram photo’.

This recognition of another woman being seen as attractive is seen as a major threat, perhaps a stepping stone or the beginning of ‘the end’. 

As a non-monogamous woman, I find this incredibly interesting. “It is inappropriate” and “who does she even think she is” are phrases that I have heard more times than I care to count.

Finding people attractive in the world is a normal part of the human experience. My husband finding other women attractive does not mean that I am less attractive to him.

Through my eyes, my husband liking a beautiful woman’s Instagram photo is quite simply- normal.

I hope that she sees the ‘like’ and feels good about herself. She isn’t my competition and I am secure enough within in my relationship and myself to not dwell on it for a moment. 

Not having to pretend to only have eyes for one another feels like our relationship exists in a reality that is in alignment with this beautifully complicated human experience.

We reject the idea that we need to live in a mock-up fairy-tale where we are both clinging to each other for dear life. We see and experience one another in the full beauty of the world around us.

We refuse to live and love in fear.

Being in a relationship where we can communicate an attraction to other people increases our ability to have open-hearted communication ten-fold. Situations that can and do cause anxiety among some of my monogamous friends are often situations that I would smile over as I sip my morning coffee before going about my day.

I don’t like to compare monogamous relationships to non-monogamous ones. Any type of intimate and romantic relating comes with challenges and joys.

Whether you are non-monogamous or not, laying the foundation for clear, heartfelt communication to safely have difficult conversations is fundamental to any form of meaningful and long lasting relationship.

Photo taken of me by my husband (2023)