Radical Or Not?
Am I Brave for Speaking Out About Non-Monogamy?
I'm not sure, but many women have called me "brave" for discussing it, especially mothers. Are we still in a time where consenting adults creating relationships that work for them is considered radical, even if those relationships challenge the traditional monogamous narrative? Perhaps. Maybe it depends on your social media bubble and online algorithms.
Over the past year, Liam and I have become more public with our relationship. We feel secure and confident in our choices and believe we can speak effectively on this topic, showing people there's "another way" to have a loving, long-term, committed relationship.
Non-monogamy conversations trigger a range of emotions: curiosity, insecurity, desire, shame, and even realization. Simply hearing about it can stir us up in unexpected ways. Judgments fueled by fear and confusion can arise. Isn't commitment synonymous with sexual fidelity? Isn't love about forsaking all others?
There are as many answers to these questions as there are relationships. I believe there's no "one right way." Am I brave for loving my husband in a way that works for us? Not really. For talking about it publicly? Maybe.
I'm ready to embrace more bravery, not for fame or money (we would have quit years ago if we were in it for the money!). I truly believe my writing and our podcast, beyond being a creative project and source of joy, offer stories, perspectives, and insights to those who might not have seen a happily married, non-monogamous couple.
Common misconceptions about non-monogamy are that it's for people who can't commit, find true love, or are selfish, party-loving, irresponsible, insecure, or coerced. Sharing our story helps dispel these misconceptions.
Representation matters across all identities. Can people understand something they haven't seen? Can they grasp "compersion" without hearing the word? Language and storytelling are crucial. So, here I am, continuing to share my story.
Understanding "the other" and seeing yourself reflected in them is important. I don't represent every non-monogamous person, but I do represent myself.
On July 26th, we're hosting our first-ever Evolving Love Live podcast at the National Film and Sound Archive. It's an in-person event where we'll answer questions from previous podcast guests and the audience.
This event reminds me again of the controversy surrounding our discussions. National media contacted us to film our sound check and do a pre-podcast interview for a documentary. It's another step forward, but I'm relatively unfazed.
There will be those who disapprove and mutter offensive things. That's okay. I don't need everyone's approval. Giving up the need to be seen as "good" by everyone has been incredibly empowering. Highly recommend it.
I know our discussions can be activating, but I choose openness regardless. I speak for those curious about alternative relationships and validate those who share our open-relationship beliefs. We're not alone in being non-monogamous, but we're positioned to discuss it through our own experiences. We're not coaches or therapists, just a married couple who deeply love each other, co-parent, and have practiced non-monogamy for over a decade. We have a wealth of stories, lessons, insights, humour, challenges, and joys to share. Our goal isn't to preach that non-monogamy is "better" or "enlightened" – it's simply a relationship philosophy that works for many.
Radical or not, it exists and works for many people whose stories remain unheard due to stigma, isolation, estrangement, and fear of judgment.
If you enjoy my work, please consider sharing my writing and the Evolving Love Podcast with others. Send it to your parents, monogamous friends, or even your priest! We're a completely independent podcast, created entirely in-house thanks to Liam's video and audio skills. Every listener review, share, paid subscription, or event attendance means the world to us.
Love,
Abbey
So freaking exciting!!!! ❤️♾️❤️