Parallel Monogamy
When Things Are Not As They Seem
I watched as my boyfriend dove under the waves, turning to smile at me each time he came up for air, gesturing for me to join him. “In a moment”, I sang out to him as the cool breeze hit my face. I knew that I wouldn’t be joining him in the water. I also knew that this might be our last time away together.
I had been avoiding the inevitable that we were not compatible. I could feel that he experienced me in a vacuum of ‘us’, with my marriage buried somewhere. An abstract in the depths of his consciousness. I could no longer ignore this truth and I could feel him feigning his comfort even though he said the right things. It wasn’t about the words anymore, it was about what I knew in my body. He wanted me for himself, in a way that was going to leave him in pain. Even after all of the conversations about being on the same page- I knew that hurt would lay before us.
“Oh, come on- it’s beautiful.” He called out.
How did I get here? I wondered as I stood up, dusting the sand from my backside, gesturing that I was cold and wouldn’t be joining him. As he made his way out of the water towards me, I took a photo of him in my mind, forever capturing the face of a man who would soon live only in memories.
-
Something felt off.
Liam, my husband, tried to be supportive of our connection, but struggled to shake the feeling that there would be issues down the road. Whilst I rode the high of our new connection, I felt uneasy too. Not wanting to acknowledge my resistance, I allowed for my attraction to drown out my inner voice.
As warnings from my husband gently began to surface, I refused to recognise them.
“I really like the guy, but he isn’t non-monogamous. He is just wanting to explore this because he is into you. He doesn’t intuitively get any of this.’’ My husband would tell me.
“But he is doing so well AND he has another girlfriend now.” I said defiantly in defence of my boyfriend.
“No, Abbey. He has landed on his feet in this polyamorous situation because he is with you. If you were out of the picture, he would close his other relationship down almost immediately. I’m sure of it. And even though he technically has another partner, he seems to be monogamous in how he is with you. You are also not being your usual open self. It’s as if you are in two, separate, closed relationships.”
My husband was right. I had gently pulled away from my other pre-existing connections, and I wasn’t interested in exploring non-monogamous dynamics with my husband for fear of hurting my boyfriend’s feelings.
He was comfortable with me being with my husband, but not other lovers.
How did I get here?
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