Is Monogamy Boring?
Following My Truth
A few years ago I experienced my first polyamorous relationship.
Previously I had experienced many meaningful connections over the years, but this particular partner truly felt like a ‘boyfriend’. It was more than a connection, it was an active relationship.
We left one another voice memos everyday, sharing our life experiences with one another. I had my first ever night away with him… a getaway to a town which allowed us to hold hands and be affectionate in public without my anxiety soaring.
My husband and I made space for him to be in my life, both intimately and emotionally. We playfully indulged in our connection to one another through moments of sharing and compersion. Liam and I navigated moments of fear that are inevitable when opening up a previously ‘emotionally monogamous’ relationship.
I allowed myself to be seen by someone else and wanted to see him too. We met one another’s edges on multiple occasions, navigating the differences of my broad past experiences in non-monogamy alongside his newfound, yet understandably cautious openness to dating a woman who was a married mother.
It was a delicate and erotically fuelled experience to surrender into. A balancing act that also had to acknowledge the potential barriers that could present themselves.
Looking back, there was potential for this relationship to evolve into something with longevity. For this to be the case it needed to have the flexibility to breath in and out of intensity over time. With me being married, and him ultimately hoping to find someone who he could be in more of a life partnership with, this meant that I had to sit in the discomfort that there would be times when our connection would need to relax or transition into another form. This didn’t mean that there needed to be an ending, but certainly an acknowledgement that there could be moments of pause to allow everyone to catch their breath.
Yet the pause and slowing down never came, and so this relationship also became my first non-monogamous ‘breakup’. I distinctly remember my tears hitting the burning pan as I cooked my morning eggs, I wondered, ‘Was non-monogamy worth these tears?’