I Fell For Someone Else And My Husband Caught Me

In Ethically Non- Monogamous circles, there is an understanding of the power and pull of ‘New Relationship Energy’ (NRE). New Relationship Energy sparks a beautiful ‘aliveness’ within the self. People that are in a reciprocal flow of NRE have a particular magnetism to them that feels almost contagious. Their energy is rushing with vitality and happiness. When feelings are not reciprocated, NRE can manifest into the unpleasant realm of Limerance, an obsessive attraction that is all consuming riding above an undercurrent of desperation. Grim.

NRE can last for months or even years, it does not always transpire into a deep and loving bond, but most loving bonds start from a place within NRE. In the monogamous world it can also be compared to the ‘honeymoon phase’, something that is expected to be felt just the once within the span of your relationship.

When NRE fades and settles into a more familiar bond, this can be a time when people might question whether they still have feelings for their partner. Many monogamous people churn through relationships as they are forever trying to satiate themselves with that intense, ‘honeymoon phase’ feeling. Once that feeling runs its course, they reconcile with their truth that the person mustn’t have been ‘the one’.

My husband and I understand NRE. We anticipate it, recognize it and invite it in. It presents in different ways. It’s never the same. Different people draw out different aspects of who we are and the NRE is always unique.

The first time that I experienced NRE for someone other than my husband was incredibly memorable. The experience completely knocked me over. Even though I had been unpacking my monogamy for years, I was honestly not expecting to feel such a strong rush through my entire being. I remember clinging to my husband at one point, holding him tight and telling him about the new feelings that I was having for someone else. I felt scared.

In the monogamous world- once there are feelings for someone else, it can mean that one no longer loves their partner, or that something is terribly wrong. But this wasn’t the case at all. I was deeply in love with my husband - happy and fulfilled by him. As I clung to him in confusion and fear - He held me, smiled and reassured me. He could see that I was deep in my feelings- and he enjoyed it. Even though I was the one experiencing the NRE firsthand, my husband also felt it. He felt it through me. I wasn’t alone in my feelings - my husband was by my side.

We realized a long time ago that NRE with other people enhances our own connection and desire for one another. When we see the NRE Wave coming for us, we both hold hands and dive into the wave together.

Photo of me, taken by my husband in 2020